General•Why do couples put so much into their Wedding day, but NOTHING into their Marriage??

• • Cory
  • February 21
  • Permalink

  ...and how can we get the message out that if you don't prepare for the next 50-60 years together, you'll probably become a statistic!!!

• • FreemanRAM
  • February 21
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  I agree. I also think that the solution has less to do with looking forward, as no one can be sure what lies ahead, and more to do with returning to the present.
  
  My fiance and I have had an outstanding relationship from day 1, and we agreed then to live each day, each moment, each now as it comes. I think another important realization is that people are constantly changing, we are processes not things. If a couple is to survive, they must let one another grow, and to do that one must not lock the other into a known with thoughts. If you think they will be the same person you knew yesterday, you are fighting their growth, their evolution. This is the source of great conflict for many.

• • FreemanRAM
  • February 22
  • Permalink

  Another really big help is the perception that you are on a team of two.
  
  Teamwork is essential.

• • Cory
  • February 22
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  Freeman! You are so right! Great points! So, question... how do get married and promise forever using the theory that we have to take it one day at a time?

• • FreemanRAM
  • February 22
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  I don't know that my vows will include a promise of forever. We're still working on what we're going to say in the wedding ceremony. :-)
  
  I do know that I'm not fond of the line:
  
  "As long as you both shall live"
  
  I would rather it be said:
  
  "As long as your love shall last"

• • Cory
  • February 22
  • Permalink

  I am SO happy I found you.. or you found me :o) I think the same thing.. My idea is to commit to 7 years at a time then come back and renew and renegotiate.. Take inventory of what's working and whats not! You're SO smart!!! My mission is to reinvent marriage to include things like this! Check out my new forum for engaged couples: http://budurl.com/soontobewedforum Wanna help me change marriage? ..I can use all the support I can get.. I'm speaking to the mayor of LA in a few months.. the city, the local mental health agencies and universities will be there to hear me declare WAR on divorce!

• • CalgaryLifeCoach
  • April 12
  • Permalink

  FreemanRAM is absolutely correct in that this specific problem in marriage arises as a result of both our Perception and Relationship to Time.
  
  Many of us are living an illusion in which the future holds the all the possibilities, all the potential, all the power.
  
  We wait to feel powerful when we "have" these things, whether it is thing is "finishing school, a job, a car, a relationship or a marriage".
  
  Interestingly it often occurs that when we obtain these things we are still not "happy, secure, in love, etc"... and by default this "future orientation" we feed into directs our attention again towards "something else" in the future.
  
  Marriage is more of a journey then a destination. When we expect a destination upon realization we often feel fear and unprepared to journey with another person. This happens not because we don't want to get to know them, but because the real stranger is really ourselves who we must get to know.
  
  This is an illusion Cory and FreemanRAM have clearly seen through all along. Instead they focus they attention, energy and efforts towards the present moment in order to expand and evolve their relationship.
  
  Expansion and evolution is coded into life. Life continually seeks to expand and evolve. Putting all our hope and emphasis into the future robs us of our ability to feel strong, aware, capable, confident, cognitive and powerful. Yet that is who were are the moment we are born.
  
  The most powerful time in your life is ALWAYS NOW. Love Now!